Meltha Parody: Rest in Peace, by James Marsters
Penned: 2/11/2003


Stage your very own Once More With Feeling 2 and have Spike and Dru perform a duet entitled ' Lettuce Rest in Peace.


Spike: I diiiied, so many years agooooo
Dru: Poor Daddy is locked up, doesn't even have a baby's toe.
Spike: Why ya gotta bring him up? That's what I'd like to know. Mmmmmm. [I refuse to change the Mmmmmm. It is too mind-numbingly grawr to change it.]
Dru: You're sweet, you always play with me. But you must surely know, my heart belongs to Daddy.
Spike: He's burned you, turned you, spurned you too, and now he's far away
Dru: Lettuce is pretty.
Spike: Huh?
Dru: Lettuce is leafy. Lettuce is a veggie. Lettuce sings nice songs to me whenever we have tea.
Spike: Wha?
Dru: Then I rip the lettuce up and weep over it sadly. Let the lettuce rest in peace.
Spike: I know you're a mite insane, but this is gettin' really weird; you're singin' bout Romaine.
Dru: But since the water runs backwards and the stars are dripping pain, why won't the lettuce rest in peace?
Spike: I know you're a bit slow, and I try to understand what it is you say, but there's a problem here, as plain as day. Singin' celery and chives cause me dismay. I love you loads, but you're a bit scary. But I can see you're making me gray, so let it be, let the lettuce rest in peace!
Dru: Let the dollies dance!
Spike: Let me woo you in my way by wearing Angel's leather pants.
Dru: Ooo! You look like a blond version of Danny Zukko from Grease! But the lettuce is all creased.
Spike: Baby, let the lettuce rest in peace.
::cue Spike and Dru falling into a conviently placed open crypt... from out of the grave's mouth:: Dru: So, you don't like lettuce, then?

Okay, so the meter's a little off. You try writing a vampire love song involving lettuce, leather pants, insanity, and a chick with Angel issues...

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