Penned: 03/17/04

Buffy St. Pat's Day Sort-of-Carols

(To the tune of Cockles and Mussles)
In L.A'.'s big city
Where Angel drowned in self-pity
Twas there we first saw our Allan Francis Doyle
He had painful visions
(or were they premonitions?)
Crying "I need an asprin,
So get me one now!
Get me one now!
Get me one now!"
Crying "I need an asprin,
So get me one now!"
His coat was of leather
In L.A.'s hot weather
But then so is Angel's and Spike's, so whatever
His brilliant blue eyes
Would roll up in surprise
He'd cry "I need an asprin,
So get me one now!
Get me one now!
Get me one now!"
Crying "I need an asprin, so get me one now!"
He died in season one
Which really was not fun
And that was the end of Allan Francis Doyle.
Then Cordy got stuck
With visions, which suck,
Crying "I need an asprin,
So get me one now!"
Then Cordy shrieked,
"I need an asprin, so get me one now!"


(To the tune of Wild Irish Rose)
My wild English Wes
His life is quite a mess.
With his two guns of hot
His fake father he shot
Did my wild English Wes.
My wild English Wes
With lowrise jeans he's best.
Someday for Fred's sake
His guns he may take
And lay Illyria to rest!


(To the tune of Galway Bay)
If you ever go across the land to L.A.
Then maybe at the closing of your day
You'll get cornered by a vampire in an alley
And be saved by a guy whose name is Charles Gunn.
Just to see again the truck he sold his soul for,
His shiny head a-glowing from the moon
To watch his gang of fighters in a warehouse
Ah, those days have seemed to end much too soon.
For the days of yore were full of pride and honor,
And we all knew that Gunn was a good guy,
But things have gotten very complicated,
And now the audience just has to sigh.
For Wolfram & Hart has gone and taught him their ways
His brain got all filled up with legalease.
And we wound up with a dead Fred,
(Though several did enjoy her brief strip tease).
And if there is going to be a season hereafter
And sadly I'm not sure there's going to be
I shall ask Joss to let our poor Charles Gunn
Go back to hunting demons if you please!


(To the tune of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling)
When Angel's eyes are smiling
You should start to worrying.
If he's filled with joy and bliss
You know the mess that brings.
When Angel's heart is happy
All the world gets out of the way,
For when Angel's eyes are smiling
Sure he'll rip your spleen away.


(To the tune of How Are Things in Glocca Morra)
How are things in Sunnydale?
Is that giant pit still gaping there?
Does it still stand there all blank and void
Like it's been hit by an asteroid,
Or does it fill with water from the sea
They way it's supposed to be?
How are things in Sunnydale?
Is our Willow witch still standing there,
Or did she drive off with that insanity
Joss named Kennedy,
Or is Tara back from the dead unexpectedly,
Won't hear a complaint from me.
So I ask each Fyarl demon
And each Gnarl along the way
And each Anya who comes a-saying "I'm okay!"
How are things in Sunnydale this fine day?
I see a Giles!
A sexy, tweedy Giles!
It well may be I nearly faint whene're he smiles.
I see Andrew!
Annoying, dork Andrew!
It well may be that quite soon he will be demon stew.
So I ask each filled plot hole
And that eyeball from back in the day
And the Turok-Hans who now flip burgers their rent to pay
How are things in Sunnydale this fine day?


(To Too Rah Loo Rah Loo Rah)
Over in Quartoth
Many years ago
Little Steven grew right up
In his hellish home.
A simple little baby
Born from two old vampires impure
And I'm sure if we could hear dear Holtz
He'd say the following words,
"Angel is a demon!
Darla was one too!
You are stained and putrid;
There is no hope for you!
Angel is a demon!
Darla was one too!
Kill your dear old dad, my son,
It's the best thing you can do!"
And then one day a portal opened
In the Hyperion,
And Connor popped out shooting up
The good guys, every one.
Granted, he was a bad shot,
Cuz nobody died
The kid was in need of therapy
And possibly a water slide. (I couldn't think of a rhyme, so kill me).
Repeating
"Angel is a demon!
Darla was one too!
I am stained and putrid;
Now, there is no hope for you!
Angel is a demon!
Darla was one too!
I'll kill my dear old dad right now,
And later technically Cordy too!"


Uh... I think I'll stop now.

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